Aquatic Illusion
by Soulofthepast
Summary: A girl who suffers expectations far beyond the stars. An orphaned child made into brash teen. Day in day out both partners in the same crime. Can Ami find the inwards strength to overcome her fear? Will Makoto be the one to stay by her side in the end?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I've decided on a new idea for a fiction, and it's been a long time coming, but I hope you will all find this to be an acceptable piece of work. The other ones have not been forgotten, as I still make updates on them, but this one had been on my mind for months, and I feel as if this just needs to be done, without a doubt in my mind. It's going to have serous overtones and undertones, so please keep this in mind. This truly will become what I hope will be a romantic drama in every sense of the word. Starts out kinda dark, but it does lighten up towards the end of the chapter.

So, with that said, here is the first chapter. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.

I do not own Sailor Moon.

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Chapter 1: History Foretold.

Silken tresses of long auburn hair pulled back back into a tight ponytail bobbed up and down as the owner continued to dress for school. She knew she was going to be late, but she honestly couldn't have cared. The faculty weren't the most considerate staff, at least in her rather crass view, however law was law, and so, off to school she went the orphan of the school. That had become her title. She was the outcast, the parent less child void of hope, the unattainable lay, the bitch, the stupid girl would be jock. She had earned these names over many years of fighting and suspensions. Changing schools only a temporary solution, however she had to admit she had mellowed out over the last few years, due in major part, to the friends she did happen to meet by chance.

These friends were also Senshi. Battle ready girls who remained simple teens by day, but by night, or in the heat of trouble became the princesses of a long forgotten place. Friendship and trusts forged by battle, tempered by slowly moving time, Kino Makoto called these people friends, family, and one girl she even called a lover. One that had lasted almost a year, and the longest running relationship Makoto had. It was stable, it was safe...it was closeted. Not that Makoto couldn't deal with the school aged slander, and hateful eyes of her peers. She was used to that in all aspects of her life, however, she had to admit part of that verbal abuse was her own doing.

She could only beat up so many boys before the term "Butch" was flung into her general direction. "Dyke" quickly followed, and although she could be considered otherwise inclined, she was in no way either detention by default. One was a word that just didn't fit her, at least not how she identified herself, and the other was merely a term that was laced with hate that she couldn't say she agreed with. However, life was life, and she was unable to beat every school yard bully into a bloody pulp...part of her felt that even if she did, she would end up making a worse name for herself, and she really didn't want that.

Still, she was proud of who she was, despite her misgivings aplenty. She was a brash hotheaded person, something that made people fear her. She couldn't say she was the smartest person in the world. She knew how to live life, but that didn't mean she was considered smart with her scholastic endeavors. She wasn't the most fashion savvy person around. She sort of expected it when one had a pocket book made for only survival, things like designer jeans and insanely priced apparel weren't in her budget. Her job was part time, the grant money due to situation provided the basic needs, however, anything extra came sparingly. Makoto saved herself enough fun money out of the change she would pocket over the course of a day, and for her every little thing counted. She wasn't hurting, but she had to be careful.

In mind of this, she grabbed her free lunch pass she had been assigned for the year and walked out the door. Normally she made her own lunch, but on days she knew she could get a decent meal she had learned to bite the bullet, eating lesser quality meals. It was also nice that the school allotted the budget for breakfast too, a small token for the welfare families that while scattered, still existed. Her bag was filled with books for her simple classes. She was in all basic courses, barely passing them, and sighed at this realization. When she had been a small child, she missed a lot of school. Her only hope now was to pass high school by the skin of her teeth and find a halfway decent job, or work full time at the diner. Either way, she hadn't many options left for her.

The school left her filled with memories. She passed a few houses and places she often frequented to eat or socialize when she had time to spare. Children still too young to commute alone walked along side parents, siblings, and what looked too be grandparents. Older students shoved their way onto buses, and forced their way through the streets as if nothing else mattered. Then you had the students like her. The delinquent students who would end up to class five minuets late, and would have to get in line for a tardy pass from the office. If you were a repeat offender, you often got stuck in detention.

She arrived and bee-lined her way to the lunchroom. There trays of juice and cereal with a small carton of milk found themselves waiting for the students on grant and aid money. Flashing her card to the woman at the door, she walked in, grabbing the plastic red tray, grimacing as the food slid around slightly. She found her seat at her normal table. It was small, and was called the allergy table during normal lunchroom sessions. The place was normally for the students who had to be kept away from things like peanut butter, but in the mornings when cereal was the only threat, it was a secluded place to sit and eat.

"You're on time for once?" One of the girls asked confused. Makoto didn't know her personally, however, they did chat idly in passing. An acquaintance, nothing more, nothing less.

"I'm not always late." Her tone was soft as she poured her milk into the foam bowl. A plastic spoon hit the now off white substance followed by the small packet of sugar to give the very plain oats flavor they wouldn't have otherwise...even so, without fruit or some sort of other addition, it wasn't filling. "This is total crap and a half."

"What is?" The girl asked, not fully paying attention.  
"This poor excuse for a breakfast. We're being fed off of grant money...you'd think I could get something else to put in it." Makoto sighed out, poking somberly at her food.  
"If you don't like it, don't eat it." This classmate had things rather rough at home, living with only her father, and he was unemployed. "But if you won't, can I have it?"  
Makoto rolled her eyes, removing her spoon and sliding the cereal into the general direction of the request. "Your dad still doesn't have a job?"  
"Not everyone can get one right now." She nodded. "You got lucky your dad's friend took pity on you."

Pity was a loose term. Sure the man kept an eye on her, gave her a job, but she worked for everything she earned at least twice as hard. He would let her take home the leftovers if they couldn't serve them to paying customers, however she still had to be careful. That was purely situational, and a living couldn't be made by working twenty hours a week at a small cafe. She put her head on the table, now just wasn't the time for this. She was tired, and honestly, she didn't care for her first hour class. The rustle of paper called to her senses and in her line of vision was a paper bag with the top rolled down neatly. "You'll get sick if you don't eat something."

That melodic voice of winter could only have come from one person. Mizuno Ami. Makoto smiled up at her friend of over three years, lover of eleven months and two weeks. She was such a welcome sight. "Hello to you too." Makoto smiled honestly. It was funny how the shy girl with fake glasses and blue hair cut short easily to maintain could possibly care an ounce for someone like Makoto. She never understood it, but never let herself question it either. She would have killed to stand up and pull Ami into her arms, but settled on opening the bag in front of her instead. "Thank god for real food!"

"I never understood why you got that lunch pass too begin with." Ami started. "You know we didn't mind making you lunch." In a softer tone, sure no one was watching or listening she continued. "I like taking care of you, and I just hate that you try to pull away when we're all here willing to help you out without question."

Makoto swallowed her first bite of what had been a sandwich. "I know, but I feel like I'm being a bother when I do." Taking another bite she chewed quickly and swallowed. "Not that I don't love how you take care of me, but I hate being a mooch, and if I can't do the same things for you, I start to feel helpless within it all." She fished out the bottle of spring water, cracking the top and taking a large gulp, trying to finish quickly before first bell. "Just wait, one more year and I'll have what I need and I can start giving you more of what you need too."

"I know you feel badly, but you shouldn't have too." For anyone on the outside, it was a conversation about how often the honor student, top of her class, often helped Makoto in any way she could. On a deeper level it went far beyond simplicities. "I'm happy with you the way you are now. You don't need to change yourself to be something you aren't."

Makoto nodded. Logically she knew that was all true, but apart of her couldn't stand this relationship being hidden so deeply in the shadows. They couldn't hold hands, embrace or kiss. All of that stuff was hidden from public view, even the things that wouldn't allude to anything were kept to a minimum. Makoto understood the reasons, Ami had a reputation to maintain and a mother to appease, however, it didn't make things easier on her. She felt useless. Here Ami was, able to graduate and become a valedictorian, and Makoto had to pass every class without fail or she would be held back a year... the passing was easier said than done.

The bell rang then, and so they parted ways without so much as a goodbye or good luck. There wasn't any need. So, melancholic as the two were, as if a piano was playing in the background a somber tune for their lonely life of no words they went about the day. This place was a jail for one, a self proclaimed silent haven for the other. Life, in all of it's slow glory, went on without fail. Down one hall walked the tall brash girl, Kino Makoto, into the wing of the school some people called the Special Education Department...IEP, or for those more spiteful...the retard class... god how Makoto hated them so, she hated herself for her inability and often she wondered about her parents.

If they had been around, would things had been different? That's something she just wouldn't ever know. Instead, her first hour of the day began, and so here she sat in her class of eight other students. A slow, easier class, that she still struggled through despite her best efforts. This place, this was her reminder of just how much life in general had kicked her down, forcing her to spit out the mud and stand back up on her own two feet. She did it every day for one reason or another, either by her own doing, or by the hands of others, it would happen again today, and again, she would need to stand up and clean off her stained hands.

On the other side of the spectrum, a different more succulent sip of milk and honey was offered to Ami in the goblet of life. Hers was unblemished outwardly. She was the star student after all. Always completed her work to an above standard rate of satisfaction, she was a girl who only attend public school for half of the day, the other half she returned home placed under a different regimen. Her mother, Saeko, was sure to advance her studies by showing her other topics to focus on, often expecting her to know a wide verity of things, and not all of them topics of rigorous study. A book on gardening, for example opened the mind, as well as giving insight and perspective, something that Saeko Mizuno found important to give her daughter.

After that, Ami was off at cram school where accelerated courses in her current subjects, and ones she had already passed, gave her review work along with new, harder challenges. This was her life. She was the star child, just as she had been raised to be. Her mother's little girl, her darling angle, and partly Ami still believed that to be true, however, she wanted to make her mother proud. Her father had left, long ago. When Ami was still a child walking around as a baby, not even old enough to relinquish her blanket and teddy as she hobbled around on two shaky feet trying to understand the vast world in front of her.

In those days, when daddy was gone, and mommy was all that cared, Ami realized she never wanted her mom to leave her too. Apart of her, out of that fear, pushed herself as far as possible, trying to model herself after the woman who had nurtured her well, despite not always being perfect. Low and behold, the little girl was not a spotlight in perfection as she aged. Subtle things started to show, little moments in time that someone not as observant as Saeko would miss completely. First it was little things, her favorite characters in books were ones she talked of, as if she wished them a reality. Questions, while not unfounded, rather odd for a small girl to ask, and the way she would give a flower to the little girl next door almost every day she found one was hard too miss. Saeko was almost sure Ami hadn't realized how odd that really was at such a young age.

Then, it grew into other things. A blush when she saw that same friend. The adamant refusal to wear a particular color because a classmate, always female, told her that the color looked bad. Tears the soft child came home with when she was pushed down on the playground from one of the boys that said she had cooties, and yet, her reason for tears wasn't the boys themselves, but the little female friends who simply walked away. Uncaring, unrelenting. The most damning evidence came as she got older... sixth grade, a pinpoint for the start of Saeko's suspicion, and when Ami noticed well and truly that she wasn't like the other girls.

She sat with a pad and paper, drawing when most her age would be playing on the equipment. Her first drawing was that of a girl who was on the ground, bleeding, a scraped knee caused by a game she had never seen, a game...she wanted to try. That friend was now long gone in Ami past, but that girl was at one point a sisterly figure for Ami, and Saeko had always seen the line there, the wall between sisterly affection underlining something deeper... Sleepovers, they would rather share a bed, they held hands all of the time, and again, that tell tale blush came peaking out all of the time along with a shy smile. Saeko knew it was bound to happen, however, then when the friend moved away, Ami changed slowly and the hopefully passing phase seemed strictly that.

A few years later, a very obscure blond with hair in two balls atop her head and a girl with dark raven hair were among people Ami spoke of constantly, and even smiled as she did so. Believing that these people, whoever they were, wouldn't end up leaving her behind. Saeko wished that was the case back then, and even now, ignoring the rather odd behavior they exhibited, it was the least she could do. She was alright with that. Even when another blond with a red ribbon came prancing around trying to teach Ami about popularity, she could let that slide... a slew of others had joined them in a mass it seemed, and yet through all of this, Ami was happy, and for the most part, Saeko was happy for her.

However, there was one girl that had been a shock to Saeko's system. One that she couldn't say she understood. Ami was...otherwise inclined...she knew this...it was a given, but for her child falling in love with this girl was a bad idea. This brash young teen who couldn't seem to care about the important things, or perhaps because she lacked the important things, just simply was a bad idea, any way one tried to look at it. Ami's place in life and her destiny was for greatness far beyond one Kino Makoto...and even if Saeko could learn to deal with the prospect of adoptive grandchildren, or other, more medically inclined means, it just didn't sit well with her that the person in Ami's life was some hotheaded tomboy off of the street.

Ami knew this, she knew all of that and more...her mother saying so in her own subtle ways. She knew it had been laced with care, but that still didn't stop the hurt she felt on any given day, trying, so very hard...all for her place in this world. Fueled partly by her one blemish, her one personal failure too her mother. Ami felt as if she couldn't be so strong. That was her entire problem. Her mother was the poster child for failed romance, single parenthood, and an occupationally oriented woman all rolled into one. She was a woman to reckon with in a male dominated world, filled with those who respected her not only for her work, but her her ability to be a wonderful mother despite her divorce. Ami couldn't live up too that, though she dearly wished she could.

Her mother out shined her on a level she just couldn't match...her peers didn't care about her...her friendships based more about her alter ego more so than because of herself, at least that's what a dark part of her sometimes believed...she was just sub-par, barely a glimmer among the stars, and that made her feel worthless though she tried so very hard not to show it, that little blemish of tainted purity streaked a smokey hue along glass of her crystal clarity.

Her reflections on life brought her through the day of normality and into her evening tranquility. Here she sat in her swimsuit, a pool on the top floor of a complex she visited often. Her feet sank into the water, and part of her felt at home, a small smile graced her lips. The water was cool, the smell of chlorine in the heated and damp air something so very soothing. On the other side of the room the sauna and a hot tub also filled to the brim with chlorinated water found its place in the corner. This she knew well, allowing her face to fall forward as she simply let herself dunk into the water.

Here for a moment, if only for a moment, she felt at home...and in this she was happy.

"Ami..." Makoto watched for a brief moment before she too dived into the water. She wasn't the best swimmer, her suit being a pair of surf shorts and a bikini top. She swam for the other girl, putting her hands out into the air, treading water with only her feet as Ami mirrored her actions, hands touching for merely a fleeting span of time before two strong arms embraced her, pulling her forwards for a kiss. A gentle, sweet, barely there kiss...as long as no one could see, as long an no one knew, it was their own little world.

"How long do we have to keep this up." Makoto sighed out, as she allowed her body to float in the water, holding Ami's hand as the girl did the same.  
"As long as we are what we are," Ami paused with uncertainty a frown covering her features. "Then, I can't say I know for sure...at least until after high school..."  
"Because of your mom?" Yes, Saeko already knew, but her mother feared for her daughter's welfare.  
"Until we are adults, with a name for ourselves, she doesn't want us to do anything to attract attention." Ami knew her mother meant well, but it did make things hard.  
"Even after high school, would you be ready?" Makoto had wondered that, she never wanted Ami to push herself further than her limit, it had happened once before.  
"I don't know..." Ami's eyes bore into the ceiling on the complex, the crystallized salty tear edging from her eyes speaking more than words.

It seemed Makoto smiled too herself. "Hey, remember what I told you long before?" She asked pushing away from the side, diving down deep into the water, Ami following behind. It was so much easier to reflect when you had nothing to rely on but your own breath and the feeling of being suspended in a substance enabling you to fly. What Makoto had been referring too had been years before, but the fact that it had played out, was what had led them to the days they knew of now.

Ami remembered it clearly enough...

The night had been cold. A chill in the air both unnerving and unyielding gave the occupants of the city a reason to dress warmly as the sleet fell from the sky in seeming sheets. Most would have stayed in simply because it was too cold, too wet, for the night to be of any use for them. This wasn't true for one woman though, however, the teen sneaking out in such weather was also a girl who would rarely be phased by such cold weather. It was part of her basic element after all. She wouldn't be fearful of such cold when it was something rather calming to her state of mind.

She had other things to be fearful of, other worries that consumed her. Perhaps it was because her thoughts were scattered, or maybe they weren't confusing enough. Whatever the reason was she knew where she had to go to sort this out. Scared wasn't enough of a description and she had passed questionable a long time ago. Coming to terms with the facts of her life weren't easy, but the reservations she had about accepting it seemed only inward at the time.

She was a smart accomplished student all through school. She rarely got into trouble. She had boys who were nice to her now, a small core group of friends whom she'd give her very life for and at the end of it all, that had been her entire problem. These friends were those she confided in, ones she ran too for help, and ultimately, one of these friends became a sort of interest for her. Early on, the short girl of iconic blue tresses chalked it up to mere coincidence. The person of her affection liked men, and because of this, the person was unattainable. In the end of everything, this friend was safe...or so Ami had assumed at the time.

This friend was indeed a woman. She cooked, cleaned, danced and skated like a pro, and not to mention she was beautiful. However, she was also strong. Able to lift people over her head with ease, she was the perfect protector. Her own woman who had been hurt before and had to make due with a rather difficult life. That was what this woman was, and that could be considered one of the many things that had caused Ami to think that maybe, if all the possibilities were considered, it was admiration she felt.

Mizuno Ami was an analytical mind at best, at worst she was no more than some of the great minds of the past. Ami was a person who could be scorned for her views, and because of this, she had found herself taking a deeper look into the relationship she shared with one Kino Makoto.

It had started as purely a relationship among Senshi. That quickly turned into friendship. These things were easy to identify. The admiration must have come after that seeing how hard a life Makoto led without complaint and without any outward hesitation. Next came a sort of idealistic crush that Ami had quickly stomped out, it had to have been more than that. Even if all of this and more came rushing into her mind she was done playing pretend. Acting like she was something she wasn't became a task that was now far too painful. Ami had long since reached her limit. That was the cause for this midnight stroll through bitter cold sleet and barely there resolve.

The walk to the apartment was uneventful although her mind was screaming, fearful of the final outcome. It was just your average cold night after all. Ami partly expected a storm to touch down in front of her. Perhaps if it wasn't a storm it would end up being something else entirely. People on the street reminding her how lonely she was, how hurt she was over her own emotions, alas, those things never came. That in and of itself made her feel more alone. She could deal with ridicule, had done so before. She could deal with people hating her, and hell, she could deal with a youma on her own should it come between her and her intended goal, fate be damned to all in sundry in such events...but, with all of that, she couldn't handle being alone anymore.

It was common logic that Makoto wouldn't hate her, that much was obvious...but, the question remained, would she accept her? Ami wasn't sure. They fought for the ideals of love each and every day. Acceptance was apart of that, and each Sailor Senshi would fully tolerate this new hidden side that Ami had within herself. She knew that, and yet, it wasn't the Senshi she feared rejection from. It was the outside...there was only one person inside who could hurt her irreparably and yet, her feelings were complex.

It wasn't a matter of questioning what was already there. Ami was a far deeper girl after all. Yes book smarts came with her total package, if one could call it that, but deep down she was so much more than that. She just knew she couldn't live with herself if another life threatening occasion happened and she hadn't said anything. That's why she was here now, sopping wet with chilly water, her lips slightly purple from the cold and eyes of soft fear and muddled confusion.

"What are you doing here so late at night?" The voice broke her inward reverie. Ami was so out of it that she hadn't even noticed that she had rapped the door already, but now she felt as cold as she looked. Petrified wasn't a word she used often, however with this instant it was the only thing that fit. "Ami? You ok there?"

"I just wanted to talk." Nervous fidgeting mixed with her state of dress told a deeper story and Makoto read into it easily enough. The taller girl pulled Ami inside the far warmer apartment, sighing at the frazzled nerves that seemed to overtake her shorter and obviously distraught friend. "I-if that's alright with you...I mean. We don't if you don't want to."

"The way you speak it's like you wanted to talk to me casually, however you wouldn't have come around at this time of night unless something was really bothering you. I know you well enough to know that much." With that she sighed, helping the girl off with her coat and pulled her into the back of the apartment where the only bedroom and bathroom sat. Makoto went rummaging through her bottom drawer quickly where she pulled out a sweater and a pair of lounge pants that she thought might fit.

"Here, change into these. I'll make something warm to drink." She handed Ami the clothes and walked out of the room stopping at the door sending away one more worried glance. "You'll be staying the night. I don't want you back out there when the weather is this bad. I'll call your mom and leave a message on her phone to let her know." When she didn't get a response she just shook her head, not saying another word.

Once the tea was made and the wet clothes were draped across the bathtub rack, both girls sat in the relative quite of the living room. Makoto had obviously been trying to finish her homework from the day before since her books were strewn across the table, papers crumpled and folded from being in a pocket of her jeans. The fact that a half eaten bowl of rice was on the table served to prove that she was eating on the fly. They had a few larger reports that needed to be done within the month, and since they counted for a rather large percentage of the grade Makoto was dead set on getting as high a mark as possible. She needed it to pass.

Neither girl spoke as Ami reflected on such things. It was easier to sidetrack onto subjects she knew about, study habits being one of them. She quickly squashed that idea, it was an easy way out, but now that she had gotten herself in, she wasn't sure if she should say anything or not. For her part, Makoto waited for Ami to speak. A good few moments passed until she realized Ami had nothing she could say confidently enough. The ticking of a nearby clock and the patter on the kitchen windows were the only noise that could be heard. Faint breath and the clinking of the mug to the table only a short reprieve.

Finally, Makoto cracked, speaking first. "What's really going on." Makoto was always a perceptive person, even when she didn't look it. Sure it was Ami studying to be ahead in the medical fields, a great many for her to choose from, but it was Makoto who decided to think about field such as probation officer, youth home director, and other things that in her life she had experienced as a child. It gave her insight of what it meant to be the the little hellion on the other side of the desk. She had known that role well and thought that from her general experience, she might be able to do good with it. "Talk to me here."

"I must admit I'm not sure how to speak my mind. At least not about this." Ami fidgeted a moment longer taking comfort in the soft shirt that was warm and cuddly. The smell of cooking spices made their way to her nose and she smiled at the faint scent of ginger. "Can I ask you something seriously?" Her voice was almost so quiet Makoto couldn't hear her. In Ami's mind though, each word she spoke boomed with power that she wished she actually had.

"Yeah, what is it." If Makoto didn't know any better she'd say Ami looked scared, and it seemed that fear was aimed directly at her. It didn't sit well for the taller and much stronger Senshi to know someone, especially her own friend felt anything negative towards her. It was true Makoto was a brash and easily angered girl, even among the Senshi, however her temperament wasn't nearly as explosive as Rei's, or in more isolated incidents, Haruka. On top of that, there were a few people Makoto would never intentionally hurt in this world, Ami was very near the top of that list.

"If I liked girls...it wouldn't change anything between us right?" The quiver in her voice caught Makoto's attention more than what the girl had said. In an instant emerald eyes of concern found those of fearing crystal blue. Time had stopped momentarily, the piercing gaze of both individuals revealed something behind them that were very rare sights to see. Raw nerve. Both of them had it, it was just that normally Ami hid it far better.

"Why would it?" That was enough of an answer for Makoto and slowly she edged closer to Ami, trying to figure out what was really going on in her head. For every inch Makoto moved forward, Ami inched back out of reflex, and that only caused confusion in the taller girl. After a few moments of this and an unspoken answer from Ami, Makoto began to grow aggravated scowling as she pulled Ami into a hug. "Stop running away from me. I don't like it when the idiots at school do it, I don't need you doing it too." With that she pushed Ami at arms length, her answer was there, even if it was left unsaid. "Now, look me in the face and tell me why you seem to think you being attracted to women would phase me at all."

Ami looked down. She knew Makoto already had the answer, but there was something about that emerald gaze that worried her. She felt so breakable, so insecure at that intense look of understanding. "You already know." Ami flinched, closing her eyes, getting ready to be hit. This was a taboo, and one that made her uneasy even within herself. "Don't make me say it when you already know."

Tears, hot tears...they poured from Ami's eyes in streams that were unbecoming of the normally cool and collected Senshi. She knew how to be logical, but love and all of the other emotions didn't fit well into the equation. She didn't know how to express them. Questioning why she had them in the first place had done her very little good. This was a new idea at best, a passing moment at worst, and even beyond all of that, Ami was scared. Not exactly of Makoto herself, not of her mother or anyone else...but the fact that everything she thought she knew was slowly changing around her.

"Alright...alright." Makoto hated to see crying but she wasn't exactly Usagi or Rei, the two considered most compassionate of their inner circle. Tenderness wasn't exactly something she knew how to fall back on easily, she could do it if she had too, it just wasn't something that came naturally to her. "Enough of that." Her words were soft as she pulled Ami back into her arms. "Don't cry Ami. I hate seeing you cry like this." When the smaller girl starting shaking, the tall brunette cringed, pulling Ami closer, trying to stop the quaking fear that seemed to have overtaken her.

Makoto was warm and inviting, the protective hold Ami felt was something unreal. Surely she had felt this before, but before, Makoto hadn't known of her feelings. Now though, not only did she know, she was still holding her. She hadn't shied away, run, or freak out. This realization caused the smaller girl to relax if only slightly. If it was out of guilt, pity, or if Makoto shared the same feelings, Ami wasn't all together sure. All she knew was the night was very cold, her own bed was lonely, and the embrace she felt seemed to keep her fears at bay. She felt alright, for once in her life.

"I'm sorry Makoto." Ami sobbed, mumbling into the embrace. "I'm sorry." The fact that was the only phrase that ran through her mind wasn't comforting. Still, she couldn't say the other thing she wanted. Mostly it was of fear, but also because she already knew that Makoto had already suffered enough of love and loss. "I don't know how I feel, or why I feel this way...only that I do." Burrowing herself deeper made her feel safe. She wanted and needed safe right now. "I can't make it go away."

"I'm alright with that." The reply was very self assured, her voice that expected of her when she got overzealous, but this time it was mixed with soft uncertainty found when Makoto was well and truly scared of something. "You don't need to know things right away...we don't need to know anything right now."

Back in those days, they hadn't known much of anything. How far to push, how far to pull. It had been a hard first year, and one that Saeko complicated at every whim, not out of hate for Makoto, but purely for the fact she was mucking through all of this just about as well as her daughter was...one step at a time. And yet even after almost a year, two weeks to the day, Ami was still lost...however, it was a lost she was alright with. Not happy, but alright...

Ami resurfaced as she saw Makoto holding onto the side, out of breath. "I remember fondly." She nodded. "You had said it was alright not to know."  
"I'll keep saying that too." Makoto nodded, as she swam back over to Ami. "We don't always need to know everything, sometimes that's the best thing of all."  
"It's ok to feel depressed, it's alright to feel lost, however, it's not alright to deny you aren't one or the other." Ami quoted, something her mother spoke constantly nowadays.  
"Ami..." Makoto whispered softly. "What is this? What are we? I guess I never really understand it."

"We are, lets see..." Ami answered in the same murmured tone, "We are an illusion of what we want to be on the inside too the outside world, and in regards with the outside, we are what they expect us to become, and that's our lie, or illusion for ourselves..." Then she watched droplets of water as they fell across Makoto's body and hair, a look of confusion. "And just like water, we are both apart of everything, and yet, I guess our waves will shake up the clarity we thought we knew...so, I guess, well, we're merely just an aquatic illusion."

"An aquatic illusion..." Makoto echoed in awe. Then, she pulled Ami close too her, the smell of chlorine overriding the other scents that Makoto knew about Ami, she shook her head. "Just like the unseen sky cloudy sky before a storm, and the murky waters of the unseen. It's ours alone..."

TBC~

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Tell me what you think. Please read and review. I have a feeling it'll be a long winded storyline, so I hope you're all in for the ride...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So this is chapter 2 as we kick off this fiction. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and are along for the ride.

I do not own Sailor Moon

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Chapter 2: Mundane Days.

Another early morning meant another groggy walk, a bad breakfast of cereal, and the reminder that it was the weekend. Makoto found that she couldn't care about eating and instead plopped herself on the front steps of the school after having lacked sleep, the night had been rather unforgiving in the fact that she had nosy neighbors. Oh how she would give anything to have her pillow, she would even sleep on the step if that would please what ever being was in charge for her loss of rest. Her eyes dozed in and out before the bell woke her up and she grumbled, walking into the building.

She saw Ami in passing and waved, saying her good morning, and then parted ways. After lunch Ami headed home, and Makoto dragged herself through the bore that was her afternoon classes. Fridays made her a cranky individual. She hated them, for plenty of reasons, however the one that seemed to be most prominent excuse was that she and Ami rarely saw each other on that day. Ami's classes both started earlier, and ended later, and that made it hard to even see each other for longer than a few minuets in the morning. The fact the Fridays were also when she normally got shoved into detention gave her a second,very close reason for hating the day.

Classes ended their normal time for Makoto and she walked home alone on this late afternoon, she wouldn't be able to see Ami today. Some days they had a conflict in the hours they kept, weekends were the most hectic. Makoto's job had her busy quite a lot, just as Ami's scholastic books forced her to be plastered with her nose in one of them, seemingly at any given time. With work in only two hours, the best Makoto could hope for was to go home, grab a quick dinner, and head off to a hot kitchen with terrible ventilation and even worse co-workers. Their clientele relied on their cheep food and prompt service, however, because of this most of the people working there remained much like her...

Apparent brats, unwilling to learn, unknowing of the true value of hard work. These were things Makoto knew well. That work gave her food, clothes, a roof and other things she couldn't live without. Most of the other staff, those who weren't adults anyway, knew nothing of what it meant to work for your living. She couldn't sit and talk about boy bands, or gossip about things that didn't matter. She hadn't the luxury to worry about such trivial matters when her quality of life was on the line. She hoped they would be busy so that she could cook lots of food, and if she was lucky, take home the leftovers. That thought made her smile a little inwardly while she turned the street corner, now on her block.

She reached her complex in record time since she was in a rush. It was a small building with tenants that were mostly poor families, or people who could afford better, but didn't actually need better. The area was not exactly the best, however, it wasn't the worst either. Yeah, there were nicer places Makoto could live in, however she liked her simple little apartment. It was better to live with the basics than to sink each and every last paycheck into a nicer apartment. At least here she could live comfortably. The only down side was that she didn't like her friends coming over alone in the dark, she didn't think it to be safe. It was after she thought of that when she bit her lip as once again the annoyance of her life stood waiting for her.

"Here again I see." Makoto rolled her eyes, opening the door and walking through knowing full well Saeko would follow her. "Too what do I owe this visit?" She snapped.  
Both women stopped at the elevators when Saeko spoke, watching as Makoto pushed the metal button as it turned a hot green color. "We have to talk."  
"About?" Makoto knew it was about Ami, there wasn't ever any other topic Saeko wanted to discuss. The look in Makoto eyes wasn't exactly friendly.  
"What do you plan to do after you get out of school?" Saeko knew already, but again opened this never ending debate.

"I already told you, I plan on finding a better job." Makoto really hadn't the energy for this. "Yes, we've gone over it, yes, I've thought about Ami's welfare, and Yes, I know that our relationship could cause her problems, but we've done what you wanted and kept it quiet." The ding of the elevator interrupted her and as they both stepped in, Makoto pushed the fifth floor. "And, if you haven't noticed, it's killing her on the inside that you detest our relationship so much. So, what else do you have too throw at me, It's been eleven months Saeko, get over it."

The elder Mizuno scoffed as Makoto used her first name. There was only one thing the two of them did agree on, and that was the fact that they couldn't stand each other. The outright disrespect was on both sides and Saeko had started the war when she had taken Makoto's loyalty into question six months into the relationship, when she had been told what had been going on. Both could admit they weren't nice about things when Ami wasn't around, but could also seem to silently agree to keep things civil when the shorter girl was in the vicinity. They reached the floor and walked down the hallway to the end door by the wall, and Makoto unlocked her very modest apartment.

She shoved her things onto the ground and then threw herself onto the nearby sofa. The thing was one of the few pieces of comfortable furniture she owned, the armchair across the table being a close second. After that, the only thing that came to mind was the bed, and that surpassed the comfort of her living room furniture by a landslide. "So, seeing as you had something you wanted to discuss..." Makoto left the question open ended as Saeko sat down, careful of her own conduct. She wasn't going to be considered overtly rude in the home of another, although, she didn't want to play nicely either.

"My reasons are justified." Saeko spoke self importantly, this child was merely that, and without her parents to raise her, she had assumed Makoto to be the poster child of irresponsibility. One look at the girls grades told her as much. However, if there was one thing Makoto took very seriously, it was her relationship with Ami. She could find no overt fault in that regard and for that Saeko was thankful."She's been out of sorts lately, I want answers for the why of it."

Makoto softened, she knew the answers, but it still didn't make things easier. "Did you talk with her?"  
As if reading the immediate change in tone, Saeko got the idea to leave her ego where it was. "I try, but she doesn't want to talk about it."  
"I assume not." Makoto agreed. "It's not anything in general, she's just been listless a lot and really clingy."  
"Clingy..." Saeko rose an eyebrow, Ami was many things, clingy, however, wasn't one of them. "Clingy how, exactly?"

"Just, little things really." Makoto answered checking her watch and sighing. "She spends a lot of her spare time with me, as you already know, and more often than not she's just in need of being told that it's alright for her to still be, what ever the hell she thinks she is..." Makoto blew out a puff of hot air. "I don't know, she says she doesn't know either, and I think that it's just her normal little routine of feeling like she doesn't belong. It goes in spurts, and when it does everyone notices. Minako asked me about it a few days ago in the lunch room and Usagi cornered me about it after a study meeting but even if they wanted to try and help, it's not like they can."

"Why does this always comes up?" That's the part that had baffled Saeko the most in everything. "What about Rei, you didn't mention her in all of this."  
"Personally?" Makoto thought about that for a second. "Ami doesn't like to lie to people, it's bad enough she has to keep herself from her peers, but her own friends too? It's hard for her."  
"Are you sure that she wouldn't just be cast aside? Hated? This world isn't always so accepting." Saeko's main concern was Ami, and things of this nature just weren't shouted for the rafters.  
"Firstly, your more freaked out about that than Ami is, and secondly, this is Rei, Usagi, and Minako we're talking about." Makoto knew the feeling of betrayal, but the Senshi wouldn't do that.  
"These are girls whom you're close with, but who's to say what negativity could come of it." The warning was clear, and Makoto knew that, but the Senshi had bigger secrets they held.

"I'm not expecting you to understand." Makoto sighed slowly, this was getting her nowhere. Saeko didn't know about the Senshi identities, so of course she was only protecting Ami, but there were just some things that no one could explain, no matter how trusted the person was. "Rei knows though. She's known for a long time. She doesn't know what to think about it, but like you, she hasn't let that directly affect how she acts around Ami, but I will say now, though you both don't see it you are causing her a lot of damage."

"Do you really think I don't know that?" Saeko shot back almost letting her guard down too far. "She's my child Makoto, I know her well enough to know when I'm causing her pain, but be it the fact she's with a man, or with a woman, it doesn't matter, she needs to be careful with both her heart and her body. You've won her heart, and for now I trust you to do whats best for her, however, let it be stated that I worry that the two of you don't see recourse too your actions. She's the last one I want hurt in this."

"You need to stop with all of that idealistic crap." Makoto tried to hold back, but it was far too easy to let her emotions run wild. They had died before, they had faced torture, fear, pain, and yet through all of that, the Senshi lives they led gave them reason for being. Saeko didn't know, and that was the only thing that kept Makoto from lashing out violently. "She's going to be hurt one day, stop kidding yourself into a lie. People are cold, you and I know this, and she will have to face that head on in more ways than one, but she can if you'd just let her do it. I'm not saying she would have an easy time of it, but Ami is stronger than you could ever know, stronger than myself included."

"You say that as if it's already happened." The motherly protection in her eyes reflected the worry that hadn't been in her words directly.  
"It has." Makoto spoke carefully.  
"Tell me how..and...why." The look Saeko gave her implored an answer.  
"I really don't think this is a reasonable thing for us to talk about." Makoto answered sitting up, clearly on edge.  
"Makoto..."That motherly tone made the teen cringe. It was one of worry, and one that would annoy her until Makoto gave answers.

Trying for once in a rare blue moon to actually say her next thought with tact so not to hurt Saeko's feelings. "Think about it," She started slowly. "Her dad left her...Then her friends left her either by moving away, or being jerks, she was bullied in school long before she even came out to me, and on top of that, when you take a step back and look at you and Rei, like I've said you're hurting her. She knows it's not intentional, but with you guys both acting like your going to step in broken glass she can tell you don't know how to treat her or what to say, and honestly, the best thing to be doing is act normal...I can see Rei freaking out, but you too? It's a little much."

Makoto's phone alarm buzzed and she cursed under her breath as she realized she had to be at work soon. "Look, I need to head out or my boss is going to dock me for being late, I can't afford that. So if you want to continue this, you'll need to do it another time." With that, she walked out of the door, not bothering to wait until Saeko left figuring she could show herself out. Her school uniform was still on, but she disregarded that, thankful for the fact she had black slacks and a simple white shirt inside a bag in her bosses desk drawer for such occasions. There were many times she had to work after detention, and that was how that idea came to be.

The evening finally came around and Ami once again found herself at the sports center. Swimming wasn't the only thing she found to busy herself, there were other places she liked to frequent as well. The basket ball courts were one of them, however she didn't have a fondness for playing like Makoto and Rei did, she had grown to like the sport once she understood the rules. As a spectator she was able to watch the strategies behind the team mechanics and that was more complex than it looked from the untrained eye. What had once been a sport where a ball was the only major focal point became something far different when Makoto had explained it. Haruka was playing a two on two game with a few of her old friends, so that meant that Michiru and Hotaru were likely in the pool killing time.

Catching the elevator to the top level, she went into the locker room that was currently empty, taking out her card key from her wallet, she unlocked her rented space that she paid a monthly fee for, pulling out her swimsuit, finding a stall, and dressing quickly. She just didn't like dressing and undressing in public. It just bugged her. The showers at least had some level of privacy, but the lockers didn't. Heading out, she opened the one of the plexiglass double doors that gave way to the expansive pool. A rather odd sight met her eye when she walked in.

Three lanes were set up, and Michiru was coaching something. Hotaru was in one lane, the furthest behind the others, lane two Chibiusa was doing better, but not by much, and in the third lane, Setsuna was leading what looked like a breaststroke. It didn't help that Setsuna was rather tall, so each pass of the pool came rather quickly for her. Chibiusa and Hotaru? Not so much. She laughed as Michiru waved and she replied in kind. "Here for a swim?" Michiru asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, the work in class was killer today, I need something to get my mind off of some of it or I'll never be able to go to bed tonight." Ami replied, placing her towel on a near by plastic chair before watching the swimming in the water. Hotaru had already given up trying to keep up with Setsuna and Chibiusa had begun to dog paddle off to the side of the pool, gasping for air as her tired body relaxed on the hard surface, half hanging out of the water. "What are they trying to do, exactly?"

"Well, Sets is just after a workout...Hotaru and Chibiusa are running drills. I was finally able to convince Hotaru to enroll in a swim team, however, she insisted that I coach. Chibiusa decided to tag along, and you know Usagi, anything to get a few moments of peace is just fine with her. So, instead of the school team, I went into the recreation center's lobby, and enrolled to coach this year as one of the six teams. Since it's just recreational, and not actual schooling sports, the metes are fewer and farther between, but that would be better for them anyway." Michiru explained, rolling her eyes at Chibiusa. "As you can see, I'm doing this more to get these two into a more socialized setting, more so than because of the fact that swimming is a good health sporting event. Chibiusa is fast but she looses stamina too quickly, and swimming isn't Hotaru's strong suit, diving is."

Ami nodded at that. Chibiusa had been visiting often whenever she did the two friends became attached at the hip in an almost literal sense. Hotaru dragged herself out of the pool, both girls looking beat from the swimming. Setsuna did a few more laps before exiting and the pool was completely empty. "Well, then, looks like these two have had enough for one evening, what's say we show these amateurs what a real race is?" Michiru offered, it would be nice to swim against someone who could actually give her a run for her money.

"Sure, why not." Ami shrugged, as she and Michiru got themselves ready. "Let me warm up a bit and then I'll race you." Ami did a few basic stretches, and then went over to the rinsing station that doused her in pool temperature water before diving in from the side, doing a few laps of different styles and then exited stating she was ready, coming up with an idea. "What ones are they having the most trouble in?"

"You don't even want to know that list." Michiru laughed. "I'm still trying to get them to realize that the doggy paddle is not a reliable way to get too some place quickly. This is only the first week I've been working with them though, and sign up is still going on, the real deal doesn't start for three more weeks, I just want them to be ready."

"Alright then." Ami thought for a second. "One-hundred M, freestyle?" Ami offered up. Freestyle was her favorite form of swimming mainly because it was the fastest form.  
"Aw, no backstroke this time?" Michiru teased. It was her best style, and she was pretty fast with it, despite the difficulty.  
"Are you kidding?" Ami looked shocked. "I thought you wanted a race. No one can beat you when you backstroke. You always nail me by at least three seconds."  
"It was worth a shot." Michiru laughed. Ami was rather good, and if they didn't tie, then it was a close match. Each had strengths and weaknesses, and the backstroke was Michiru's.

They told Hotaru when to give the go ahead, and Michiru told them to be sure to pay careful attention. The start began on Hotaru's cue and both were off like a light. The beauty about freestyle was the subtle differences each swimmer could use too their advantages. Ami always used a tighter flip turn to increase her speed, and her form was perfect as her thin, but strong arms and powerful leg kicks propelled her forward. The first lap was overcome by Ami, her speed strong, Michiru even with her shoulder and only just out of eyesight.

Michiru could get more distance per stroke, however, her timing on the turns were far slower since she wasn't nearly as small as Ami. She never did well with flip turns, always finding they slowed her down. Because of this, she prepared to lose some ground, knowing she could make up for it later. The second turn around passed, Ami gaining further lead as expected. They only had two more passes to go and Michiru let the last pass go as she let herself glide the normal fifteen meters before continuing her pattern, increasing her speed only slightly. Her goal only to stay even with Ami, not gain lead.

The third pass was when Ami caught on, and only when she saw Michiru come into even view at a glance. 'Crap.' She though as she neared the wall. 'She's going to sprint the finish!' The pool was only a short season pool making it only twenty-five meters in length, that meant only four passes of the pool, and Michiru hadn't sped up, meaning she was risking it all on the final lap. Ami panicked increasing her speed. She hit the wall first, performing and overly tight flip turn, gliding about ten feet before trying to also sprint to the finish, Michiru's long strokes got the best of her though, and before Ami knew it, the race was over...Michiru had beat her do to an oversight.

"Smart-move." Ami panted for air. "Next-time I'll account-for that." She was out of breath and cling to the side as Michiru did the same.  
"I thought you would have caught on sooner." She answered in reply, also short of breath, but not nearly as bad.  
"I forgot this pool is only twenty-five meters long. You can glide further than I can, the fact you sprint faster gave you the upper hand." Ami explained pulling herself from the pool.

"Still, it was a good race." Michiru smiled softly, She handed Ami her towel, before fetching her own by the nearby table, the plastic cup fulled with cool water a plus after swimming in the chlorinated water. "You know, if you want to sign up, I could use a few more divers. The age range is fourteen through seventeen, so you'd barely make the cut off point of being too old...or perhaps you'd like to become the assistant coach and relieve Setsuna from such a job? Since you are seventeen, you meet the minimum age for that too, and that could keep you on the team past your birthday."

"Oh no." Ami refused politely. "I couldn't possibly, I have other things I need to focus on first, not to mention the others need someone to help them pass their classes."  
"Let's switch off then." Setsuna offered, she really wanted out of this one.  
"Aren't you interested in swimming, you looked like you were enjoying yourself before." Looking over at Hotaru and Chibiusa who were barely containing their laughter, she got the idea.  
"I may be a good swimmer, but it doesn't mean I want to make a hobby of it. I'm sure I can deal with a few meetings if you'll save me from doing this." The Senshi of time was almost begging.  
"I don't really have time to be spending on sports." Ami added cautiously. "Are you sure it's necessary for you too need to stay anyway? Michiru is more than capable." The implication clear.

"I roped Setsuna into it since Haruka sinks like a rock more often than not." Michiru explained. "It's one of the guidelines that I have an assistant and I hadn't planned on that."  
"I've seen Haruka swim before." Ami defended the blond in her steed. Her swimming was pretty bad, but Ami wasn't going to admit it. "She can stay above water."  
"In a place her feet couldn't touch?" Setsuna scoffed, everyone knew that Hotaru would make a better coach than her fatherly figure.  
"Good point." Ami deadpanned. "There really is no other option? Minako's pretty athletic and has lots of free time."  
"She's not as good of a swimmer as you are Ami." Michiru prodded.

Ami bit her lip, thinking carefully. She really did like the water, and came here most nights she had free anyway. Makoto normally spent her time in the weight room, Ami in the pool, so in all reality it wasn't a bad plan. No different from normally anyway, however it was still a commitment that she would have to consider. "I'll think about it...I'm not going to agree too it just yet, let me talk it over with my mom first." Ami mentally added Makoto on the list instantly though she didn't speak the name aloud. It wouldn't have mattered, Michiru was with Haruka after all, and Setsuna as expected knew already, she just didn't speak on it one way or the other. In all honesty Setsuna couldn't have cared less as long as fate wasn't disturbed.

After saying her goodbyes, she went back into the locker room, and redressed, toweling off her hair and hanging her suit across two of the hangers so it would dry completely for the next time she went swimming. Her mind was awash with possibilities as she realized that it would be a great opportunity, and yet, something in the back of her mind told her to just politely refuse. The walk home was rather short, but as soon as she made it in, her first order on her list was to call leaving a message on Makoto's voice mail, wishing her goodnight, and that Ami would see her tomorrow, after that it was a long hot shower, and a night in bed with a good book and a cup of hot soup. Her life wasn't exactly filled with excitement, but in its own way that was a good thing.

It mean the world, and the future was a peace...even if she wasn't. As she picked up her book to read in bed and then glanced at the clock. "Eight more hours..." She sighed, it was lonely when her mother worked all of the time. Picking up where she left off, Ami settled into the same cold bed, with the same barren sounds of the apartment. This was all she knew anymore, and partly her heart was screaming out. She hated the nighttime. It reminded her of everything she'd done wrong, coupled with every dark thought that hadn't ever found light or solace. The sound of her page turning was the only tangible thing that she knew would happen time and time again by a living, breathing person, and just like that a tear rolled down her cheek.

She really did hate being alone.

TBC~~~

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So, what do you think about Chapter two? I know it was a little bit shorter, but not by much. Next chapter will be up once I have time to type it up and post it. Please leave a review.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ok, before we move on into chapter 3, I want to clear something up that may have caused a bit of confusion. After numerous PM's I've come to realize that quite a few people are confused, so I'm going to attempt to explain the confusion I caused. We are assuming the size of the pool is your standard high school length, which, by most standards, is a 25 yard pool which makes it only 22.86 meters in length. I do not want to trifle with such math in a fan fiction. Under this logic this is a recreational center they are doing this in, not an Olympic training field. keep in mind, most of the swimmers are high school aged, so please keep in mind that the ability of the girls also come into play.

For those asking for the exact size, here's what you can picture. It will be a 25 yard pool, or as we called it in school a 25 m pool(I'm being simplistic here.) since that's about as long as it could go, give and take not enough inches to make mathematical difference. An average pool has anywhere from 6-12 lanes, however, for the sake of this fiction, we are assuming 4 lanes only, at any given time, which means that for races, there will be 4 people racing at any given time, 2 on each team. Now, some school's have a completely different pool to dive in, or like ours, it was just deep all over. Our pool had a depth of 10 feet, and that is a perfectly safe level to do low dives, which is what I will be using anyway.

This in mind, on with the fiction.

I do not own Sailor Moon.

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Chapter 3: True Colors.

Ami awoke before sunrise with nothing better to do with herself than study. All weekend she had spent alone. Her eyes of crystal blue glisten as she flicked the page of her book over, she was already over halfway through the heavy tome. She sighed, standing and walking over to the window, the frost on the ground was barely a warning of the bitter wind that wafted freezing air outside the glass window. Her breath a fleeting cloud, hardly fogging the glass as she placed her warm porcelain hand on the clear barrier between her, and part of her element. How long had it been since she gazed at the early morning gray so fondly? It was a symbol of the melancholic loneliness she had know from her youth. It was the color of the purity she could not attain, nor did she want to attain. It was just life in the gray.

Hardly anyone understood just what the gray was, but for her, it was all she knew. It wasn't the depth of the ocean, she didn't want to drown in murky sadness should she sink too deep. It wasn't sandy shores filled with clear water as far as the eye could see, she had her secrets, just like everyone on this earth. Part of her, the inner woman who allowed herself the second of vanity, or the jealous side glances, preferred it that way. She couldn't say she was rain, she wasn't so haphazard, and she wasn't as soft as snow, or as brittle as ice. She was...mist...that's what she liked to think. That after a hard rain, or a heated room. It was hard to describe, but she felt at peace when she wasn't one single element, but the collaboration of everything that she held within her power.

Her mother had been on double shifts and odd hours for quite some time now, and in her spare time her mother had commenced in a favorite past time, harassing poor Makoto. Her mother meant well, Ami knew that, and yet some how she just couldn't pinpoint the root of the problem. Her mother seemed alright with Ami's attraction too women, and so that had been quickly discarded. There was something though, and it acted as a plague unrelenting in Ami's mind. Something was there, something displeased her mother when it came to the topic of Makoto, and, although Ami couldn't say for sure what it was, Makoto's status, upbringing, and current situation wasn't exactly enough to cause her mother to have such a vocal rebound.

No...it was something else entirely.

Well, anyway,the brunette wasn't any better off trying to get more hours for more pay. The hot stuffy kitchen kept her busy, her co-workers were often little help, and if Ami knew Makoto, which she did, the poor girl would have arrived home late, struggled though homework before passing out someplace for the night. Ami just hoped it wasn't on the floor by the coffee table. Now that it was Sunday morning, she allowed a small yet contented smile on her face as she hopped into the shower before dressing in a pair of jeans and a light tee-shirt, heading out the door in the grayness of morning. With the small pep in her step that would be almost nonexistent in the eyes of onlookers she went over to Makoto's apartment as quickly as she could without seeming rushed, although in her heart, she was quite eager. The cold morning only added too her delight. She liked it that way.

Her mother wouldn't be happy about it. Saeko never liked when Ami left the house before sunrise alone, nor did she fancy her daughter arriving home after the sun set alone either. It was motherly paranoia that was subsiding slowly as Ami grew older and more capable of herself, but still, a mother worried about her teenage daughter, and Saeko took that right as if it was effective law. Almost too much, even if most of that worry was kept mostly inside herself. Ami was a bright girl, and Saeko knew she couldn't hide it very well. Still, both danced around each other as life continued forward. They played the game of communication like oil and water, always making sure only the surface was exposed.

Ami soon arrived at the apartment, fishing out a key that she had colored green with marker out of sure boredom one lonely night. She unlocked the door carefully, almost hesitantly, as she gazed around the quiet apartment. The only sounds that resonated through the walls being tenants getting up early for work. She took off her shoes and crept through the halls with little heed knowing Makoto slept like a rock. The girl always did when she worked weekends. Nothing, not even a vacuum put on her cheek would stir her, and Ami had learned that, much too her vigilant dismay, when Minako had tested the theory.

With the table in the front room covered in books, Ami took a moment to close each one, stacking them neatly before taking an empty plate into the kitchen where a few pots and pans were also in the sink. Then she went into the bathroom, picking up the towels and laundry that littered the floor when the tall girl had likely taken a shower, a bad habit Makoto had since she lived alone anyway. Ami went into the linen closet, getting a new washcloth and face towel to put by the sink before she carried the clothing and put it in the hamper in the corner of the hallway. A few pictures adorn the walls, making the area feel as if this place really was a home. A stained glass mirror was one that Ami loved to marvel at.

Finally, she walked into the last room that made up the humble abode. Makoto's room was small, but it was cozy. The bed was only twin size, her body would sometimes hang off of the mattress, however, one had to come too expect that due to the fact Makoto was rather tall. That didn't bother Ami though and as she crawled into bed. Her sleeping lover didn't wake up, but it wasn't any surprise when the girl responded to the warmth by pulling Ami close. This was how they stayed for a while, Makoto sleeping, Ami in her arms. It was their little morning routine, and this was what Ami wanted. Here she was safe, she wasn't alone, and she felt loved.

Not that she was hated by her friends, it was just...different with them. She expected a level of disrespect from her peers at school, or the teachers who would overlook things she had done as a favor, just trying help. She wasn't expecting anything, but it felt nice just to be acknowledged, and in Makoto's arms, she was. Her hands ran up smooth arms, both strong and protective, but also soft, and scarred. Makoto had been in fights at school, but Senshi battles also left marks if one was unlucky. Makoto's back still had shards of glass from being tossed into the telephone booth, her wrists scarred with traces left from when the darkened crystals pierced their skin. Rebus hadn't been kind, and Makoto had struggled rather violently cutting herself before her hands actually fused with the hard mineral.

Being attached, and partly absorbed into the blackened cross of evil energy wasn't something she could say she ever wanted to relive, let alone remember. However that memory came in with clarity each and every time Ami saw Makoto's wrists. The crystal had cut into her skin pretty badly, and now even if the event was long gone, the reality remained. Ami sighed. How much had they really gone though? How much was altered? How much was real? She wasn't always sure, and often she didn't care to know, but looking at the things she knew were real, remembering the times she couldn't call a lie, the fears she looked at head on, sometimes she wished she could forget.

All of them had scars that tainted their bodies with memories they wished they could pretend were little more than a nightmare. Ami's ears were one of them. Even in civilian form, she could feel the indent her piercing took root, even if she couldn't see the holes in her ears. She had a few discolorations on her skin, areas that in the naked eye were no more than a simple birth mark, for her, they were the signs of being hit with jolts of dark electricity, burn marks, or other things that just simply wouldn't heal. Areas she had broken bones in the past were fine outwardly, but inwardly the pain would come on nights that it was cold, rain would reawaken the old ache. They were magical warriors, but despite healing, their bodies were very much human and could become sore in areas that had been injured greatly.

That's why it felt so good to have that warmth now. It may have seemed childish, but there was something soothing about running her fingers through long locks of auburn hair, allowing her knuckles to lightly caress the frame of Makoto's face as her thumb trailed behind, a well manicured nail barely scratching the freckles and blemishes that were few and far between. She felt so at home here...home, a term that she couldn't say she called four walls, no matter where she was, home was a loose term. Home was her mother's cooking, old memories, and the nurturing she remembered from a small child. Home was her friends, as haphazard and obscure as they may have been, and would one day no doubt become. Home was the routines that set in day and day out, as sure as the sun rising and setting, very little wavering in the course, only the weather patterns.

Home was here, in Makoto's arms. Feeling the rise and fall of even breath. The light scent of toothpaste, indicating Makoto hadn't likely been asleep for very long. Pale light from a window barely casting shadows on the walls, rough palms placing light pressure on her back, keeping her close, all of this and more...this was home too. It was natural too Ami how normal it was for her...if you looked past the very obvious differences between her and a normal person anyway. This was her life, and her little moment in a bubble. Those thoughts allowed her to doze, able to relax as Makoto did the same. Likely, they would sleep the day away, but Ami had grown a fondness of idly wasting time like this. Every now and then, she too could partake in laziness, right? She thought so.

Makoto awoke a few hours later, the sun already in the sky. "Got lonely..." Makoto spoke softly running her fingers through short blue tresses as she looked at the girl sleeping in her arms. Reaching over to the end table, she grabbed her cellphone, noting that it was almost ten in the morning. She hadn't gotten much sleep, her weary body almost begging her to roll over, snuggle down and fall back into restful slumber. Instead she's opted to kiss Ami's cheek, causing her to flinch unknowingly. "Ami love, time to get up."

A little sound between a whimper and a squeak slipped from Ami's lips as she tried to ignore the voice calling her. "Honey, come on. We're going to oversleep into nighttime at this rate." It was true, they had done that before on occasion, however it sounded like a nice plan the bore repeating. Sadly, Makoto had homework in need of completion, and Ami would kick herself later of she slept through the entire day without Makoto at her side. "You don't really want too stay in bed all day, do you?"

"If I do, is that really a bad thing?" Ami answered with her eyes closed, still very tired. She hated sleeping alone, and often it made her feel uneasy6. She did it almost every night, but still the few hours of morning rest she got with Makoto on Sundays seemed like a god sent gift form the heavens that Ami only dreamed of having each and every day. She moved her hands along Makoto's side and under her shirt, trying to get closer contact. "I really just want to stay here right now." Her voice was strained, and yet that didn't seem like a proper explanation.

"Ami?" Makoto sensed that sound. "What happened?" That was the only thing Makoto could guess at. Ami normally had too have a trigger to be so on edge vocally.  
With her eyes still closed she hid her face, mumbling into Makoto's shirt. "Nothing bad, I'm just tired."  
"You've been tired a lot lately. Listless, confused, upset, you keep saying all of these things and I still cant figure out what all of that means hun." Makoto was at a loss simply because Ami was at a loss.  
"Have you ever thought that the world wanted too much for you...and what you wanted...maybe wasn't what they wanted." Ami hesitated for a moment, unsure how to best explain.  
"Well," Makoto said, her fingers tapping idly on Ami's back as if she were taping away at a table, or other surface. "I guess I have." Makoto wasn't really seeing where the conversation was going. "Why?"

Ami frowned, thinking before speaking. "I want more in my life." She lifted her face to look Makoto in the eye. "And yet I don't want so much at the same time. As if the things I do want are different, and the things I don't want are, well, more imploring and commanding in my life? As if a level of control is never mine? I'm not sure how else too say it." Her eyes became downcast as she allowed herself to snuggle into Makoto again, her hands trailing soft pictures of lines unseen on a canvas marred by the effects of battle faced down by one of the strongest of Senshi. "Does it still hurt too look at it?" Ami asked softly, her finger running along the light scar.

"No more than anything else in my life." Makoto shrugged. "I've started getting numb over things that hurt me like that, its not a big deal." Bringing one hand to rest under Ami's chin, she adjusted the face full of concern too meet her emerald gaze, transfixed on the facts surrounding the troubles of youth, complicated by the burdens of a Senshi. "That face however, that brings me pain. You guys are the only family I have anymore, and I've lost enough people in my life that you could cut me into bits, and yeah, it would sting, but the flesh would heal over time, and yeah, it may leave a scar, but for me it's not all that bad. Seeing you struggling hurts...it hurts a lot. I can put gauze on a bleeding wound, but I can't fix something that's not broken."

"I'm broken enough." Ami sighed, her eyes told more truth than she could admit outwardly. "Normal...that's all I want right now."  
"You are normal." Makoto chuckled, they weren't the exact definition, but they were as close as could be.  
"You're normal." Ami shook her head. "I want that too. I realized something a few nights ago."  
"Really, and would you care to share with me your revelation?" Makoto smiled softly, pulling one hand behind her head so she could look at Ami more evenly.

"I'm the least normal out of all of the Senshi." Makoto frowned, that seemed like an odd reality check, but Ami had continued before she could disprove that claim. "All of you do normal things in life, have a somewhat basic lifestyle that is human, I'm just a walking robot. I don't really have a social life, not that I really wanted one in the first place, but beside the Senshi, I'm not exactly a butterfly. I do have hobbies, but I engage in them alone, or seldom with others only momentarily before they walk out of my life, I never see them after that. The chess clubs for example, or the Science Olympiad team."

"That doesn't make you any less normal. Minako's a social butterfly, but she's the only one. I get my ass kicked on a regular basis, Rei's got a swarm of girls that chase her around constantly much to her displeasure, Haruka and Michiru are very private people out of choice, and Setsuna may as well be a recluse any place outside of the Senshi. Usagi befriends anything that moves if she can, even our worst enemies, so you can't count her a logical example, Chibiusa is her daughter, it's in the genes. As for Hotaru? The kid is just that, you know how much she feels alienated by her light." Makoto's rebuke made Ami smile softly, but she couldn't say she felt comforted by those admissions.

"Yeah, about that...since Michiru is concerned about it, she's got Hotaru on a swimming team, and of course out of the blue she asked me to be an assistant coach. I wouldn't mind, but I feel like if I do then I wouldn't have time for other things, and then there's all the extra classes I'm taking to prepare myself for university, and I just, I'm not sure I'll be able to commit if I have to worry about other things." Sighing, she closed her eyes, she wished this morning would never end. She had too much on her mind and it felt good to just take a few steps back. "I just want too stay here, waste away the day. I'll help you with the rushed disaster that I'm sure your homework has become later, but for now can we just ignore responsibilities...please?"

"If that's what you want." Makoto answered, adjusting her pillow so she could turn her head away from the window's brightness. She lowered her head giving Ami a kiss, soft and gentle, yet warm and empowering, much like that of her own courage that she often held as a false shield. Makoto feared many things in life, but this girl was likely the one that scared her the most. Breaking the kiss, she saw that thing she feared in Ami's eyes. Love. The one thing that made her powerless in many respects, made her weak and venerable. She feared loosing Ami. It was something that she knew was an unfounded and yet very real fear. Both because Ami would never leave her, but also that Ami may not have a choice in the matter. Senshi situations always a front runner in their minds. "We can stay here as long as you want." Makoto spoke again in affectation, caressing one pale cheek as it blushed lightly under her fingertips.

As she embraced the girl, she knew the day would be filled with talks of many things, light dozing, and quiet realizations. At that moment though, Makoto had thought about what Ami had said and thought a little game on the courts would be good later that week. A particular discussion with Haruka being at the front of her mind. With that inward promise in place she smiled as Ami leaned in again starting the second kiss. She really was a romantic under that bookish exterior, and despite what people thought, Makoto wasn't the passionate one. That thought was very abruptly thrown out of her head almost as quickly as it had entered, her mind now on the hands that were slowly lifting off her shirt...

If only people could really see who this girl was under her mask.

TBC~~~

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Slow update and a bit short, I know. Still real life calls to even me on a regular basis, but I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. I wanted too give them both just a few little quiet moments, so that's what I did... lol Please read and review.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Got to love real life, it sure slows things down on occasion. Anyway, after finally finding a few moments at the computer I was actually able to post this (see it's a good thing I write things on pencil and paper in advanced huh) anyway, enjoy this chapter and leave a review if you feel so inclined. ; - P

Hope you like it.

I do not own Sailor Moon.

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Chapter 4: Realizations.

The next day came quickly, and along with school, and a few hours at work, Makoto had managed to talk one of her fellow Senshi, and fast friends into shooting a few hoops at the indoor gym found on the lowest level of the recreation center. After recounting all of her inward thoughts and fears, she listened intently to Haruka's advice, even if her eyes were on the orange ball in front of her. "Yeah." The blond said, dribbling the ball away from Makoto's grasp. "I could see that. Still, it's not your fault that Ami's all confused. Who knows, this entire thing was probably a set up." The curt screeching of shoes on the floor, the beats of the ball, the echo of the open ended gym, this was what Makoto knew best. Among one of her favorite things to play when she wasn't training or weight lifting. "Setsuna's the one who's been acting all weird. I bet this is why." Haruka aimed for the basket, missing as the ball bounced off the rim and into the bleachers. "Crap..."

"Nice one." Makoto's voice dripped with sarcasm as she watched the ball get stuck. "So why is Setsuna acting odd?" Makoto asked aloud before gulping down some of her water, making a face at the fact it was now warm. She sat down, her legs finally feeling weird after having played three games in a row without a rest. Haruka mirrored her, also enjoying the accidental break. She leaned back, putting her feet up while watching the others around them. "Haruka?" Makoto tried again, but the blond seemed more interested in the area around her. "What's going on? Your all spaced-"

"Sets does this a lot." Haruka interrupted quickly. "She just sits and watches, you know. Her job and all that." Haruka shrugged, Makoto got the implication, and they kept the ideals of Senshi abilities very generic. "She says when you just sit and watch from the outside, sometimes you see things others don't. At first I didn't believe her, since when she first started saying that, I hardly knew her." Haruka handed Makoto the ball and sighed. "But then I realized after meeting all of you just how right she was. Michiru was always in that stupid pool, and I let her be in there. I'm not exactly a fan of water, but I'd watch her do laps, and when she and Ami first started that small rivalry of sorts I started seeing what Sets meant. Ami was...well, she was different in the water, different with Michiru...and me too, but only later."

"Ami's different in general." Makoto nodded, a far off smile on her features. "She's so much more than she shows." Tallying a few things off her fingers was only a small tip of the iceberg that Ami hid. "She has a stash of music on her computer that could last days on end, and most of it isn't what you'd think of as Ami's style. She's dances when she's in the kitchen waiting for water to boil, or when she's waiting for bread to pop up from the toaster. She's always flitting around with silly little things, she actually swears constantly when she thinks no one can hear, and when ever she's at my place she starts cleaning everything out of impulse."

"All good points, but not what I meant." Haruka glared at a seemingly bad memory, stretching her hands over her head. "She's aggressive when she wants to be. She could be a worse fireball than Rei, if she's provoked the right way. I've seen it." Sipping her water she didn't miss the look in emerald eyes and stalled the forthcoming questions bound to arise. "Don't get me wrong, I've never seen her go off like some of us can...but something's there. I first saw it when she was with Michiru, but then I pulled back and I realized that she gets that look every now and then when fighting, other times its when she's doing something she deems important. There's just something about her."

"...and Setsuna acting weird is connected with Ami how exactly?" Makoto hadn't connected the dots, but she knew Haruka hadn't expected that of her. They were both dense individuals outwardly, but they were also smart creatures by default. They could find their place in this world easily if all it took was simple skill. Their issues were held within their view on the world around them, and the mutual hate for accepting rules, boundaries, and in part, themselves. It was just their nature to defy everything life threw at them, often at the cost of their own well being and emotions. A new air was felt around them, an unspoken change in dynamic. Makoto and Haruka knew when to switch gears on conversation topics, and Makoto became hushed as she noticed the intensity Haruka had acquired.

"She's the one who's worried about Hotaru." Haruka's voice became soft, filled with her own worry tempered by harsh realities. "Not that Michi and I don't, but we'd be alright with Hotaru not wanting friends. It's her choice, I mean, yeah...it is kinda sad, but Hotaru never asked for this. We shouldn't force her to do what she doesn't want, and besides, I'm not really her papa. Yeah, she calls me that, but I tried to kill her too you know." Guilt covered her voice, barely restrained emotion guarded closely. "She's lucky enough having Chibiusa around. Setsuna told us that it isn't fair to just let her be alone either. Hotaru's a special kid, and we've never forced her, but when she finally wanted to be apart of something Michiru...well, all of us really, we all got involved. This is the first time she's willing to actually live life. I mean really live, and I think Setsuna would be happy if others got involved too."

"So she pulled Ami into it." Makoto nodded. It made perfect sense. "We've been slacking off on our duties recently."  
"I don't think Usagi thinks like that." Haruka shrugged.  
"Not like that idiot." Makoto snapped. They would always keep an eye on Usagi, she wasn't their most recent failure. "I was talking about us as a team."  
"Yeah...I guess so." Haruka couldn't dispute that. The Senshi group had been slacking, but Haruka could accept it.  
"We've never really grown apart, but we're all changing. I don't like it. Since no new threats have come around we've just split down the middle and then again sideways." Makoto could have kicked herself.  
"Down the middle and sideways?" Haruka could see the middle thing, it had always been like that, but sideways... "What the hell's gotten into you, having flashbacks or something?"

"Think about it." Makoto pressed on, in her head it made perfect sense. "We've always had a sort of separation between all of us. The Inner group, the Outer group...but now it's also splitting more. Setsuna and Hotaru are alike, and they fall on each other a lot for moral support. You and Michiru are the same. Me and you are the same. Michiru and Ami are the same. It's like that for everyone, but when we do that we split everyone apart. Rei's not exactly comfortable about the relationship Ami and I have, and no one else knows. I mean you guys know, but you wouldn't have if you hadn't called it out of us...I just, we're all splitting apart."

"I don't see it as that." Haruka paused for a moment. "I think for me, it's that as friends we have different groups. You wouldn't have become friends with, say, Michiru out of impulse. I wouldn't have with Ami. The age differences between us would see to that. You and I have base interests. So do Michiru and Ami. I think it all comes down to the fact we have nothing we need to fight, and so we have no reason to maintain such a depth with each other. Mark my words though, when the time comes, we'll pick back up as if this separation thing never even happened. That's just part of us."

"Yeah..." Makoto wonder that. Apart of her wanted to think it was true, but things had already changed and continued to do so. There wasn't any real reason Makoto worried, she couldn't pinpoint anything, and yet, she felt lost in Ami's inner struggle. She felt aggravated with Saeko, alienated by Rei. It was just awkward, and she knew it would pass. The life of a Senshi came before anything else, and that's what Ami's entire issue was. That trapped feeling. It gave her so much, but at the expense of almost every other dream the girl could possibly own, and that made Makoto on edge. Saeko had blazed a trail she wanted in life, although, granted it hadn't gone perfectly, Saeko was more or less happy...the only question was, could Ami also be that way?

Could she become happy living nothing but the life thrown on her by the whims of fate? Makoto had decided long ago she could live with it and sooner or later could be happy with it...but could Ami? It weighed on her mind a great deal. Jupiter protected Mercury after all, but Makoto understood now that it was more than just the youma that gave Ami nightmares...the question of what she needed to be protected from was now creeping slowly into a calling Makoto found she couldn't deny. The Senshi would never harm Ami, but would Ami find herself enslaved onto fate? Setsuna was consumed by such things. Hotaru wasn't much different and lived by fate as if it was law...would Ami feel as if she had to do that too? Makoto hated to think it, but had to ponder the fact all the same.

It was basic instinct after all. Each and every Senshi knew their place and fell into it without hassle. They would fill other jobs and roles if it had to be done. it wasn't a question of how. It was a necessity of when. All of them were chained into some sort of shackle. Be it sworn duty protecting Usagi, being the leader in combat, the analytical field expert, the brawn that gave the majority of the power behind the words, or even one who gave spiritual guidance, many of the Senshi had qualities that they shared and also contrasted. Any Senshi could fill and basic role on the battle field, however, when in came into normal, human situations, each one had a sort of skill that could be put into use.

No Senshi could escape it, not even Hino Rei, who's true calling in life remained her birthright. She must bring solace for the living souls seeking guidance. She was the contrast power of Hotaru, the one that guided the souls who no longer sought life, or those that were already dead in the first place.

Rei had come to the conclusions regarding the Senshi and their powers as a total unit not long ago. She had plenty of time considering her grandfather was growing weary with age. He still had his normal spunk, but that was what had landed him a hospital bed in the first place. Rei gazed into her cup filled with coffee, not really paying all that much attention. The cafeteria was alright, she had eaten here for several days already, but she grew distressed awaiting for his recovery. He was alright, he was able to harass the nurses enough that she knew he would be well soon. Sadly, it did nothing to ease her unspoken worry though. He was older, and this visit made her realize just how frail he was, despite the fact he acted so youthful and healthy. "Youth isn't age, its feeling." That's what he would always say, and those words rang true in her mind as she took a sip of the warm, dark drink in her hands.

The question of her abilities made her realize just how unable she was, a failure she was, how lost she was. She was a Sailor Senshi, she fought for love, of justice, of freedom and protection from those who wanted nothing more than to rip her world apart, one life at a time. She had seen battle, but was it really battle? She could fling fire around as if it was a petty toy...but was she a real warrior? Were any of them real fighters out on the battle fronts that had faced? Or, was it merely that they could fling magic around at their will, and thus, they were now defenders of the weak? She never really knew, and honestly, she couldn't really care. Or, she hadn't until about a year ago. When Ami had come seeking advice, advice Rei had to give, and give properly, without self reservation, without her own thoughts in the way. Without slander, without a bigoted view...when she was forced to detach herself, she wasn't able to do so in the best of light.

It made her sick. Her one job in this life, her one human quality, and she faltered. She failed. She thought Usagi had changed her life, had changed her outlook, but had that been the real truth? Rei wasn't sure of herself, and it was within her uncertainty that she felt such extreme anger. She could have done better, should do better now, but even if that's what her heart told her, her mind sought havoc on her morals. Wed a man, birth a child, continue the cycle of life, prepare a solid foundation for the next generation, raise them well. Love was never wrong, but, was it wrong to favor one of your comrades over another? Was it wrong to seek out such satisfaction? Rei didn't know, she would never allow such failure, such weakness as love among those she would die beside. Yes she loved her fellow Senshi, but they were like family. She would never bed down with them.

"Your grandfather is doing well today." The voice was one she knew and it pulled Rei from her thoughts. Sounding slightly aggravated it continued. "I would say he would be free to return home by the end of the week, although some of my coworkers love to see him leave today, I feel as if that's only due in large part with his manners." Rei looked up, seeing Saeko's light blush and it didn't take any sort of expert to guess what had gone on when she opened the door into his room. "I now understand why he was hit in the head with a purse." Saeko answered dryly.

"Sorry. You'll need to excuse his annoying behavior." Rei apologized for him. "Grandpa's always been like that. He just forgets himself sometimes." The look of understanding made Saeko nod. "For what it's worth, he really is a nice guy...if you can look past his perverse nature of harassing younger women." The rueful look on Rei's face said it all, a long suffering half sigh only added more truth. "Although, I knew it was bound to happen one day. Time was ticking down until someone would finally belt him for his actions."

"Next time I'll take the warnings my daughter gives me more seriously." Saeko sipped at her own coffee cup in hand as she fished around her lab coat for something, disregarding the search a moment later. "I had no idea how literal she was when she spoke of him." The air was quiet. Saeko had wanted to speak with Rei anyway, but now that the girl was in front of her, the nerves in Saeko's body tensed. It wasn't an easy topic to talk about. However, she was worried. "She told you about it...right?"

"Excuse me?" Rei was caught off guard at first not getting what the question really was. "There are a lot of things 'it' could be."  
"She and Makoto." Saeko replied softly and Rei nodded. "She told you about that...right?"  
"Yes, she came to me about that before she even spoke with Makoto about it. I just never thought she would act on those types of feelings, so yeah." It was odd for Rei.  
"And...?" The question was left open, the tense air growing thicker by the second. "Do you...with...I mean, are you two alright?"

Rei paused, looking confused. "She and I are fine. It's just a little weird, but we're fine. I just never expected her to like women, apart of me always wondered, but as long as it wasn't spoken, I never really worried, but now...well, let's just say I'm more careful around the two of them than I used to be." She knew Ami wasn't a pervert, but she had changed her actions around them. A little bit of space where none would have normally been, changing during sleepovers happened where she couldn't be seen, and over all, Rei couldn't say she was judgmental, but she was far more careful around them. "Its changed us a little, I know it drives Makoto crazy, but Ami seems like she understands my reasons. You seem freaked out though. I thought you knew, at least Ami said you found out about them...or is this about me in some way?"

"I want to know about what you think." Saeko was confused, but her reasons were far different. "I always thought it would be you...pardon me for saying so..."  
"I'm not into women." Rei shrugged off that bit of information quickly. "Although, I am quite interested in how you came up with that."  
"Ami seemed rather close with you...before Makoto started coming around anyway, I had just assumed that she...never mind." Saeko hadn't wanted to stick her foot in her mouth, but she wasn't exactly sure how to proceed.  
Rei laughed softly. "Back then, I guess you could say Ami and I had similar priorities, but we still do. They remain the same, different at the core, but same basic wishes." It was a generic response, but it was the truth.  
"And Makoto? She's not exactly what I'd expect from my daughter...not that Usagi was either...but Makoto's a bit..." She trailed off, she didn't have a proper word.

"Right." Rei already had the general idea. "But, that's just it. Makoto is quite a lot to handle, and I'll go as so far as to say she's over the top, brash, and a total and complete idiot when you rial her up...but you could say the same for a rather large majority of our little group. I'm not exactly a prize either...I'm just as hot headed, the only thing is, I know I am, and I don't care what people say about it...Makoto would go on the offensive though if she was cornered. Seeing as if your fishing around the life of my friends, I hope you don't mind if I ask this, but...would it honestly have been different had it been me?"

Saeko bit her lip, unsure of what she could say. "Yes, and no." She thought for a moment, taking a very slow sip of her almost empty cup while looking at the eyes that bore into her. She had more questions than answers, and she assumed that this girl shared that same basic feeling. It was unconformable at the best of times, downright maddening others, and there wasn't a single thing they could do for themselves but get over their trepidation, no matter how hard it was. It was easy to say it, but it was harder to follow though with it. Surely thoughts would correct themselves over a span of time, it was only a matter of getting used too the idea and working around it, but even so, it was easier said than done.

Saeko released a short breath and spoke very carefully. "I am going to say this in the hope that this will not reach the ears of anyone." Rei agreed and she continued. "It is not Ami's preferences that have me irked, nor is it the fact that she has chosen Makoto specificity, more so, I feel as if she has failed to think of her future and the ramifications of her situation and the choices that she has made. Granted, we both should be wise enough to know what choices she did have, and what was mere nature. However, I feel as if she could have made wiser options when choosing to explore her alternative lifestyle. She's young, and I feel she's just a bit naive yet to really understand what this could mean for her." Weighing her next words carefully, she sighed, there was no good way to say it. "If it had been you, I think I would be more willing, simply because you are more grounded in life, and also with a guardian...I think Makoto is a strong young woman, very capable of herself, but is she the right choice for Ami? Could she accept Ami's choices, and still follow through with her own? Both of them lead very different lives."

"If that's the way you see it." Rei laughed inwardly. Saeko knew so very little, and yet, she held such great insight. "The only thing I could possibly say in regards to any of that is while I'm slightly amused you think that way, your very off in the things you say. True, they lead very different lives, but we all do. Every single one of us are very different people, and believe it or not, they aren't the only couple that have such interests. Besides I'm more worried about Makoto in all of this. If anyone is having problems being closeted it's Ami...Makoto would be happy staying hidden, she may look like she's all brawn, but most of that is talk, she's not nearly as fierce as Ami can be."

"Ami, fierce?" Saeko tried not to laugh. "That's an oxymoron."

"Well, in your eyes maybe." Rei stood then, a small smile on her face. Oh how little Saeko knew about her apparently soft and quiet little girl. "However, tell me that after you've seen her slap someone across the face out of sure necessity, then and only then, can you say she isn't fierce." With that Rei walked away, her cocky attitude speaking more than words, and not for the first time Saeko sat dumbfounded looking at the empty seat in front of her. Another bomb was dropped on her happy little lie, and she wonder just how much strength her child had. She knew she had given Ami the best of life lessons she knew how, but had that honestly been enough?

And since when did Ami slap people? If Saeko had been lost before, now she had been abandoned within what she knew were half truths, and well guarded realities. It wasn't the fact that Ami guarded herself that bugged Saeko the most...it was that somehow, without her noticing it, these teens had slowly, but very meticulously, built up an impenetrable wall, both as individuals, and as a total group, and no one, not even Saeko could break through. She supposed that it was this total group orientation that kept them strong. Rivalries seemed only halfhearted, fighting with insults were blunted, Saeko could see a level of strength Ami's friends had, and often she couldn't help but wonder about them. She knew well of a handful, but then again, that was another thing that confused her.

Ami was not a girl who wanted popularity. Yet, some of the photos on her wall had a rather large number of people, all of whom she had more personal shots with. It seemed as if Ami had flourished into a young wildflower instead of the carefully guarded and shy child. She was...well, there wasn't a single word for it...she just was. She seemed better, happier, than she had ever been. Usagi was a pinpoint in all of it, Saeko knew that much, but still, things didn't add up. Ami was constantly getting phone calls, sleepovers were almost every weekend, and somehow, someway, Saeko walked into a study group almost every other week. Granted, by that time, only a few were studying and some of them would be strewn along the floor, happily sleeping and ignoring the world around them.

She had looked at it from every angle, and every possible logical outcome, only to fall short each and every time. She thought peer pressure may have been a cause, but that was thrown out the window immediately. Then she thought it was a new club, or perhaps Ami had gotten into trouble...the ideals she thought of were endless, but none really added up. The progression of her friends were slow. It had been gradual, and so Saeko couldn't call it force of any nature. Usagi was the first to be brought up in conversation, followed very shortly after by Rei, but it was a good few weeks before Makoto's name ever popped up, and an even longer time later before Minako was added. Chibiusa was a mere child, and a relative of Usagi's, so Saeko hadn't worried about it.

It had been a long while before word of Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna and little Hotaru reached her ears, and it was an even longer time later that she was able to meet them, well, bar Hotaru during a moment of sure panic that had long since passed. There were brief mentions of other people in Ami's life. Peers in school no doubt. Two siblings came up every now and then, but had seemly fallen off the face of the earth seeing as Ami never talked about them any more. The same could be said about three manlike teens trying to hide the fact they were girls. They had apparently moved, and had since lost contact. The girl named Naru wafted into discussion from time to time although it was clear the girl was a friend of Usagi and not Ami. The stories seemed real, and Saeko could agree that she had peers in school that she had lost as friends or simply grew apart from. It was a natural thing, and so, she had decided that she would overlook the less normal situations that seemed to pop up in Ami's life.

Checking her watch she noticed the time. She was finally free from the rush that was the emergency room on any given day. She walked quickly into the faculty room, preparing herself for the journey home, her mind alight with many feelings, none of them what she could consider helpful. If it was because of her own failures in life reminding her she was human, or her success that gave her the audacity to be the woman she was, she wasn't sure. Even so, Saeko was reminded constantly of that one fact. The streets were filled with passers by, and even they seemed to have their eyes on her. Why shouldn't they? She was an accomplished and attractive woman. She should be noticed...but, deep down she wondered if those that gazed at her saw her every flaw, her every blemish, her every sin. That too, would be sensible. She was a woman who married, gave birth, divorced...no man would want her, respect her as a woman. Not any more. She had fought particular morals tooth and nail, and now, she herself paid dearly when she remembered those facts.

That was perhaps it. Her reason for detesting Ami's wish so much. It was a hint of rebellion, but not against Saeko herself. It was a fight of natural order, and basic conduct. Ami had, in her own subtle way, wanted to place her middle finger to the world for all to see, and in a small way Saeko was proud...but that didn't mean she wasn't worried. Ami's rebellion was soft and quiet, a gentle whisper among the loud city streets, but it was the fact that it was there in the hidden shadows that made Saeko realize how true Rei was. She looked at her pocket book, a small photo from long ago still sat inside of a clear plastic cover. "So she slapped someone did she?" Drawing in a breath, she closed the cover, childlike innocence didn't last forever. "You my child...you are a shadow of my image, aren't you...more than I'd ever realized."

Mizuno women by nature fought for their beliefs, however it had cost Saeko a great deal in her years of life. She knew that sadly, it would cost Ami a great deal as well, even if it wasn't in the same ways.

TBC~~~

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Well, there's chapter four. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know, its been a very long time since the last update, but that's what happens when real life kidnaps you away from make believe. LOL. Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's very short I know, but it is very tense and when writing dramatic chapters I like to keep them shorter than the others. This one qualifies as intense. Please read and review.

Fan fiction + Disclaimer = Sailor Moon... I DON'T OWN IT!

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Chapter 5: Darker Secrets.

"If you keep scowling at that math book you'll never finish." Ami laughed quietly. Another study session was taking place in the living room of her mother's apartment. Usagi had nodded off quietly in the corner while Minako blasted music from headphones. Meanwhile, Makoto was dealing with a book report that seemed never ending and Rei struggled through her worst mathematics subject. Geometry. "Give it a rest and go back to your history work book for a while. Change it up a bit, you know?"

"I have to finish this math by second hour...I won't have time in lunch to scribble it all down. At least I don't suck in history class, I can finish my report when I cram leftovers in my mouth. The vocabulary for the new chapter shouldn't take more than fifteen minuets tops." It was her best subject. Rei loved history. It came easily and also held her interest. It helped that her grandfather often spoke on the subjects she learned in school. The elderly man found great delight in aiding her studies, and now that he was older, history had been the only one he could truly lend his help for. High school had contrasted largely from his youthful day. Things like math and science became difficult leaving him unable to help in those areas.

Ami nodded but didn't move closer. There had been a time that she and Rei didn't have such issues with personal space, but that had been dashed to bits after Ami came out of the closet. It wasn't like Rei was afraid of Ami, or repulsed, but the space between them became noticeable rather quickly. Minako was the next to doze, and Ami stood, walking to the linen closet. They would no doubt turn this into a sleep over now that two of the five of them found peaceful slumber. She grabbed the blankets and pillows, knowing full well that where ever her friends fell, that's where they would stay. "The shower is open if either of you would like to use it." She spoke as she placed the blankets on the floor, covering Usagi with one of them, and then Minako with another.

"No thanks." Rei declined only partially offhandedly. She knew Ami offered it as a formality, but that was another thing. Memories of when Rei would have taken a shower, and then parade around in skimpy sleepwear were still rather vivid. Instead, she fought down her discomfort. Makoto stretched, stood, and excused herself, obviously taking the offered excuse to leave her homework alone. The tension in the room became something you could almost taste. It was bitter, it was cold. Like that of a frozen lemon before the lemonade. However unlike such a wonderful cool drink, this was nothing but a painful sour taste, one of failure, one of regret. Ami sat quietly at her work, eggshells not even close to the proper term.

"I'm sorry." Her face hidden as she looked down, short locks of her hair covering her eyes as her body shook slightly. "I shouldn't have told you." Broken glass. That was the correct term. It was as if both were stepping barefoot in a sea of easily shattered emotions that would cut them like knives. Each step, positive or negative would be painful. "I shouldn't have expected you to take on my burdens. I just felt like...if I told you, you'd keep it quiet. That I could trust you."

With measured breaths, Rei looked on before her. She knew this was her doing. She wasn't the only culprit, but she, herself was enough. Closing her textbook, she sighed. "I haven't done anything to betray the trust you've given me, however, if you wish to keep this a further secret from Usagi or Minako then we'd better take this conversation elsewhere." Rei's words weren't cold. She didn't feel hatred. It was more like she simply didn't know. Confusion. That was it. "Let's go." She ordered after a moment. Ami didn't move. She couldn't walk on any further, couldn't be pushed away, or held close. She just couldn't move anymore. Rei stood, and waited, but Ami didn't do the same. "I said come on." Her order was again ignored until she picked Ami up herself, carrying her into the kitchen quickly.

She put the smaller girl down, a soft smile on her lips. It was false in many ways, rueful others. Ami still trembled, still awaited to be hit, scolded, anything. Anything at all to be admonished for her sins.

"I remember a time when we all did this for fun." Rei spoke carefully, she really didn't have words of comfort to give, but, she did have memories. "Remember? Stupid little games. That one started because Minako called herself fat. What did you say?" Rei knew the answer, everyone knew the answer, but that was during a time when no one held secrets. They were Senshi, had seen so much, and died together. Screw personal space or laws of social normality. That's how it was back then. Ami didn't talk when she felt pressured, or when she felt as if she were in trouble. This was clearly one of those times. "You told her...that if you could pick her up, she wasn't fat. Why did you say that?"

"Because I was the weakest Senshi." Ami's voice quivered with the admission. "If I could pick her up, she wasn't fat."  
"And what happened that day?" Rei's firm tone seemingly forced answers. It wasn't like the girl of raven tresses liked that about herself...but it was helpful.  
"It turned into a small contest of who could pick up and throw people into the lake the furthest...Makoto won, but we knew she would. It was only logical." Ami explained.  
"But who came in second?" Rei again quizzed the girl before her, again she got quiet. "You."  
"It was only pure luck." The defense was only partially there.  
Rei didn't wait, knowing Ami was going to deny the realities. "You came in second. You were the one who could actually pick up Haruka. You were the only other person who could."

"Rei, that was basic science." Ami shook her head, not getting the point of all this. "I knew I wouldn't be able to lift her, but I could pull her backwards with me. That's all. Anyone, even Hotaru if she tried hard enough, could have done that." She dabbed at her eye with her shirt sleeve, even if the puffiness didn't disappear. "But...that." She didn't know what to say. "That was during a time when I wasn't different from you."

"What the hell do you mean you weren't different?" Rei growled. "Were you not gay back then? Did you like boys? Or did you get a rise of throwing us all into the lake? Didn't Makoto have a sort of joy carrying you around all day? You liked it didn't you?" The barrage of questions were hasty and ill planned. "I'm not stupid Ami. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't notice, I just assumed I was jumping to conclusions back then." It was Rei's turn to get unglued, and she promptly did, her explosive temperament taking over. "But then, out of nowhere, you drop the bomb on me, and me alone that you like girls, and honestly I don't give a rats ass about that. What I care about is the fact out of everyone, you chose me. Should I feel glad you chose me to confide in? I sure as hell don't think so. When the shit blows up on you, I don't want anyone crying to me. It's hard enough your mom starts grilling me, I don't need it from the others. Not when I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it."

"I'm sorry." Ami's voice fell on deaf ears.

"No, you aren't." Rei was angry, but apart of her found hurt. She couldn't understand, but didn't try either. "I don't want you to be sorry. I want answers for things I don't have. Questions keep pounding at me like waves and I can't answer them. Do you know how much that pisses me off? Do you have any idea what it's like to continually question the friends you have and the things they place upon you? I was raised in a shrine Ami. I've gone to catholic school. All I know, all I understand is that being gay is wrong. It's sick and twisted and yet... you're one of the best friends I've ever had. I know you...and I know Haruka and Michiru. The thing is, they know who they are...they don't need my help. You do, and I, I don't know what I can tell you. I don't know what I should say."

Rei sighed then, trying to collect what little was left of her sanity. The pieces were fractured at the moment. Emotions ran high. "Like I told you before Ami, I always suspected it." Rei gulped down her anger, trying to quell her nerves. "But, you came to me, told me you needed help with it. I was happy to just assume, and even if you would have come out, if you would just say "Hey, I'm gay." Then...that would have been fine. I would have never bat an eye. But, I can't guide you, I can't help you. I can't tell you being the way you are is wrong...it's what I'm told I should say by the nuns that preach like idiots. I don't think it's true, but...even if I don't think that, I can't say that it's alright either. I can't Ami. Not when the fear of god has been beaten into me since I was five. Dad said it was wrong and grandpa...even if he doesn't seem offended by things like that, he never told me it was ok to be that way either."

"All I want is the truth Rei." Ami was also trying to collect herself. "What do you really think? I'm not asking about everyone else. I...just need my friend right about now. You know? Mother doesn't want this to be talked about with anyone. It isn't fair to Makoto though. I'm lost Rei, and I need help. I need my friend to tell me what she thinks."

"Haruka and Michiru are great people, and you...you're a person I'm afraid to lose. As a Senshi I fear you crossed a dangerous line. As a friend, I'm still trying to cope." It was simple but it was the truth. Ami didn't have words. Logic eluded her, and base emotions weren't in her mind. She didn't know what she could say, or what to do. Rei attempted to keep her upbringing out of it, but it wasn't easy. "I think the same things I've always thought. They aren't positive, or negative things Ami. They just...I'm on the other side of that fence. I don't like girls like you do. I can't say I hate it...or that I hate you. I just don't understand it."

Still, something bugged Rei. Ami could see it swirling in Rei's eyes, conflict behind the statements. Before Ami could ask, Rei answered the questioning gaze "Furthermore, speaking as a Senshi, as Minako's second in command, I feel like hiding this is dangerous for Usagi. I feel like a traitor. I'm not saying we don't have your back, or that you don't have ours. It's just dangerous leaving things under wraps. Enemies have used our insecurities before. Things left unsaid become a weapon later. We've seen it happen. You liking girls is one thing. Being with Makoto is another matter entirely. Like I said, it isn't bad, but it could turn into a hazard for anyone. We need to look at this from every angle because of who we are. Your mother doesn't have the luxury to pull your strings about us. She doesn't need to know everything, but, we do. The others have that right."

"Rei, I can't." Her replay was stammered out as if she hadn't a good way to explain. "I wish I could, but..." Her eyes went to the floor, one of her arms coming around her protectively as she stood speechless. "If I did I would be accepting something that I can't. Something I don't ever-" She broke off, she couldn't say that. Her eyes went back to Rei, the scars she had on her body were much like Makoto, though, lucky for her they were fewer and further between. They'd already gone through so much. Did they really have to endure more of this? Life was hard enough just being teens...but this, this was just an added measure of stress, memories she'd never be able to forget. "Normal girls, even if they liked other women, normal girls wouldn't have to deal with this."

"Now, you've lost me." Rei wished she could catch that. "This isn't just about your sexuality...is it?" The question posed seemed as if it were so sinister that both of them gasped from the shock value. Rei couldn't believe she asked, and Ami remained unsure if she could answer. They looked at each other, unsure and unwilling to fully let the weight of that sink in. They knew...Rei knew that if something else was troubling Ami, and it was a Senshi matter, there was a very good chance not even Makoto knew about it. They all remained in the closet when it came to those types of matters. Each one had sins they never wanted to say.

No, they shouldn't ever speak them.

Yet, that was what Ami did. "Keep your word." Rei nodded, she knew better than to blab what ever this was. Someone should know, and she was the bearer of grief as of late. Pulling Ami's burdens away like a rag would a spill. Sadly, cloth could only sap away so much, and Ami's ocean was deeper than any fabric could possibly dry. Unfortunately, Rei felt like she had been rung out several times already. "We died." Ami began. That was a loaded statement. Rei mentally implanted the true meaning behind the words. She knew what this was about instantly. This wouldn't be good. "It won't heal Rei. It just won't heal." She forced the tears away from her eyes again with the fabric of her shirt. "You can wash and wash, but the powers, the images...they just won't leave...will they?" Rei looked down at the hand Ami's fixation was on. "It won't ever go away."

"No." Rei swallowed back the true meaning of what Ami was talking about. They all had scars from battle, they were light, they faded, but all of them had at least one that never went away, never healed completely. Rei had some of her own, the one on her hand was something that would never leave her. "They don't." She had cast fire so strong that she had actually burned her own hand, through her own glove. It didn't look like it with the naked eye, but anyone who looked, truly studied her, could tell the difference between her palm and her wrist. There was a line so faint, but it was clear the mark was there. The evidence easy to cover, but the memories never really went away.

Rei felt like she had to ask. Someone had to know how deep this really went. "You...can't shake it can you?" This was the problem with being a Senshi. The aftermath hurt like a bitch. They couldn't ever escape the downpour. Fighting was easy, dying even more so, but then, the hard part came. "You survived, realizing you had another chance...but you can't shake the feeling." Rei knew what that was like, and even vomited her own disgust in the matter early on, before she realized that she had to stand again, keep moving forward. "Nightmares?... or is it when you remember something?" Rei was trying to piece a very complex puzzle together, and she didn't have all of the information. She wasn't sure she wanted it either.

"Every damn day." She sighed as she slumped down to the floor. Rei wanted to do more than just stand there like an idiot, but honestly, she didn't know how to respond. She was well beyond overwhelmed herself and she punched the nearby wall before doing the same. It was then they heard the apartment door open and then close slowly again. Saeko was home. Ami didn't wait for her mother to walk into the kitchen, instead, she stood and briskly walked down the hall into her room, closing the door. She couldn't deal with this when her mother was home.

The woman went into the kitchen after seeing her daughter flee and Rei merely shook her head at the imploring gaze. "Leave it alone." Rei whispered. "Don't even try to do anything." She walked past the older woman then, stopping at the door frame. "She should tell the others, she needs help and believe it or not, you can't be the one to give it to her." With that she went in front of the bathroom, calling Makoto. After a few moments a towel clad Makoto emerged from the steamy room, both of them walked into Ami's, closing the door behind them. All the eldest Mizuno could do was stand there, confused and worried, unsure of what had just transpired.

TBC~

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Told you it was tense. anyway, there's chapter 5. Hope you liked it.


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